I spent £40 on a ticket to see acts that I barely recognised just so I could dress up nicely and take loads of photos.
A heartily bearded Adam
North Lane (minus Simon)
Alice, Hanna and I (North Lane girls)
Year Abroad squad
My main girls (If I didn't think it was weird to use an emoji, I would be using the kissing one right now!)
I could ramble on about my dress and how I chose how to wear my hair and what I love most about my shoes, but this ball meant much more than dresses and hair and shoes. In less than two weeks I am packing up my room in Kent, going back home to shoot a wedding, going to Greece, then Spain, then spending a month flitting around the UK before flying out to America. One of my housemates left yesterday, another is leaving on Wednesday. Time is running out.
This year wasn't what I thought it would be. I thought the transition from first to second would be easier and far simpler than going to Uni for the first time. I thought that already having friends that I knew and loved would make things less pressured, that everything would just click back into place. I wasn't expecting the anxiety and social struggle, I wasn't expecting for my breath to catch in my throat every time I even thought about going into a room where other people were already talking and laughing, I wasn't expecting to find myself, for the first time, accepting that I had a problem and actually asking for hep, I wasn't expecting the upward struggle towards managing my mental health and how good it felt some days to simply say that I felt happy.
It wasn't a promising start to the year. I constantly questioned whether I wanted to be at uni studying, whether English had any relevance or importance beyond the piece of paper I would acquire at the end of it, whether I could cope with doing not just the rest of this year but another two as well.
But it was a really good year. Once I got to second term, I felt settled again, I felt energised and happy to socialise, I wanted to be here again. And that's all because of these guys above. I love them all so much and leaving them to go to America is one of the hardest things about next year. I love my housemates, our non-bitchy little threesome of girls, two of my boys from last year and Simon who, whilst we barely saw, was definitely a positive presence in the house. I can't imagine coming back from fourth year and Hanna and Alice not being there. I can't imagine Vensday or spoons or doing the bins without them. I didn't realise when I moved in how much I would love living with girls, how amazing it was to have a little community in my own house that could be there for you in any makeup or life crisis. I don't know what I would have done without them. I don't know what I'm going to do without them. I hope that they have an amazing final year, but I know that it's going to be insanely hard to see pictures of them in Canterbury whilst I'm away, that they are living their Kent life without me. I love them both so much and I will miss them so unbelievably much.
And the boys. Two of the five-a-side footballing legends of Borussia Thornden (and Neil). I'm so happy that they are all going away next year and that we all get to live with each other once more in final year. I hope they all have such a good time in Amsterdam, Prague and San Diego, I can't wait for the film photos posted on tumblr, the instagram posts with awful puns and the stories when we get back. They are amazing guys and I love them all and I'll miss one slightly more than the rest..
And finally (for this post!), Ellie. Where would I be without our million texts back and forth about the horrors of the contemporary? My English (literature, not white supremacy) buddy, my year abroad girl! I am so glad that she decided to go for a year in Berlin, I know she will have the best time and will come back with a hipster fringe.
These guys and many others have made my year. I couldn't have done it without them and I definitely wouldn't want to. I will miss them all so much and I have no idea how I can make friends that will even be able to compete with them next year.
I can't believe everything is happening so fast and that people are leaving for good. I am in denial, I don't want to pack or do my heaps of washing up. I don't want to admit that this year is ending and that it is never going to be the same again. Everything works so well and I am so happy that I know it is going to be hard to say goodbye.
I have nine more days in Kent. Just nine. I am going to miss it so much.
