I don't want to be ill, but I can't pretend that its easy to pull the corners of my face into a smile.
I don't want to be ill, but I can't receive the help I need when I lie to myself and those around me.
I don't want to be ill, but I can no longer tell myself that I am just miserable.
I don't want to be ill, but I fell back down the hole.
I don't want to be ill, but somehow here I am.
I don't want to be a pity-case.
I don't want to feel weak and agitated in places I have a right to be.
I don't want to seem incapable.
I don't want to second guess every message, every conversation, every interaction.
I don't want my words to be stuck in my throat.
I don't want to put my life on hold for when I "get better".
I don't want to be back where I was two years ago.
I don't want to be ill.
But I am.
